Q: What if we’re all on quarantine in September?
A: We ran the race last year with staggered starts and masks. We can do it again! Short of a zombie apocalypse, we’ll figure it out. There is no need for anyone to be in the same place at the same time for this thing to go on. So no excuses!! Get training! In fact, this is the perfect training regime for a zombie apocalypse. So even if that’s what happens in September, get training!
Q: This race sounds dangerous. How will you ensure my safety?
A: By writing up a really intense waiver form and telling you this race is dangerous and you probably shouldn’t run it. Like, there’s a decent chance you’ll tear something or maybe get lost in the woods and eaten by bears. Running this race is an awful idea. In fact, if you asked this question, please don’t come. One of the way stations is guarded by a dragon.
Q: Will there be cool swag?
A: No. See our motto. It’s a fundraiser.
Q: Will there be aid stations?
A: Where would we put the aid stations? I mean, we could put them at the way stations, I guess, but that would mean we have to carry more things back into the middle of the woods. Nah. You’re on your own. But there will be beer at the end. That’s all the aid you need. Although, maybe you should bring a first aid kit. That dragon in the middle of the course might make you wish you had some burn cream or something.
Q: What’s the super-secret surprise rule?
A: It’s a pony.
Q: That’s not a rule, that’s an animal.
A: You’re an animal.
Q: What about trespassing?
A: What about it? Please obey all laws and municipal ordinances. If you are going to build a shed, get a permit. There are no penalties for your route unless you are on pavement. If you want to learn more about why Maine’s Land Ethic is incredible and needs to be stewarded forever, please check out this blog post by Andrew Hill Legal LLC:
Short of it : if you decide to plot a route over someone’s (unposted) land, you aren’t breaking any laws, but if you hurt yourself, you can’t hold them liable. Unless they set booby traps. So. Beware of booby traps. Always sound advice. Also be nice to people and their stuff.
Q: Since this is a benefit for the Orono Land Trust, is that a clue as to where the way stations will be?
A: That’s ridiculous.
Q: How long will the race take? I have a prior commitment at 4 pm.
A: It could take a while, depending. How long exactly is kind of up to you! You should probably bring water and snacks and stuff.
Q: Will there be a shuttle to get us back to the start to get our stuff?
A: No. This race is about logistics. You can figure it out. We believe in you.
Q: Can we have support sherpas?
A: Sure. You can have people carry your stuff around. You just have to carry all of YOU around, but if you want someone to do a gear drop with a hang-glider at the top of Chick Hill, that’s cool. I mean, it’d be weird, because there isn’t a way station anywhere near there, but you do you.
Q: What is the official course record?
A: Depeche Mode’s “Violator” (1990) in vinyl LP.
Q: What’s to stop people from cheating? Like, what if they say they were running when they were actually using a fat bike with pedal-powered wings?
A: Yeah, it’s possible you could cheat. But we’d be really disappointed in you. If we know your mother, we’ll tell her what you did, and she’ll be disappointed in you too. If someone tells us you cheated, you’ll be disqualified, and we’ll confiscate your flying fat bike, because that sounds totally awesome and we want it.
Q: Is there a rain date?
A: Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re funny. Oh, but I really do hope it rains. That would be EPIC!!
Q: Are you just doing this insanity because you wanted to organize a trail race, but you are too lazy to put up trail markers and worry about people getting lost?
A: Maybe. Shut up.
Q: How do you pronounce “TUCARD”?
A: Like this: “tucard”.
Q: Will you announce the general areas where way-points could be placed like you did last year?
A: Later. (editor's note: this phrase should now be interpreted as "earlier". Yes, that's TUCARD logic)
Q: Will the area be peanut-shaped again?
A: No. There were too many allergies last year.
Q: If I have a flying fat bike, will I win?
A: At life.
Q: You all are clearly insane. Is there a way I can avoid you in case whatever you have is communicable?
A: Yes. Don’t follow “Marsh Island Trail Runners” on Strava and don’t join us for any of our weekly MITR evening runs during the snow-free seasons. Also we generally do our shopping on Mondays at the Old Town Hannaford.
Infrequently Asked Questions
Q: What’s my name again?
Q: If you plant bird seed, does it grow into a bird? And if it does, what do you feed it?
Q: Why does the pony sparkle?
Q: Why Istanbul and not Constantinople?
Q: How much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
Q: What color is a mirror?
Q: What are the race organizers smoking and where can I find some?